It was the funeral yesterday as well but i dont really wanna talk about that.

*

i moved out of halls completely over the weekend and in a way i will kinda miss the place…so much has happened there over the past year, most of them good things that i’ve really enjoyed and learnt from but i suppose there are some things i’d like to forget about the place…

Went out with Sam while i was back in derby as well, which was lovely Went to the courtyard, Varsity and Blue note and there was hardly any students to be seen anywhere… It was a brilliant night though, however the hangover in the bloody morning wasn’t.

*

i’ve got my 3rd physio session today and i’m really not as up for it as usual…i’m just feeling so ill at the moment – my whole body is aching, my throat hurts, i’ve got earache and a headache and my nose feels like its been punched – urghhhhh, i really just wanna go back to bed, but i’ve got to go out for my mum’s birthday meal tonight :/ should be fun with the amouont of arguments i’ve been having with someone at the moment. ah well.

i need to get dressed.

now.

x

so i ended up going to see Rage against the Machine at Finsbury park and it was fucking awesome Drove down with  Jordy, Steve and Charlie….it was a nice, hot, sunny day and the atmosphere was great. I didn’t think much of the support acts but rage were fantastic – they really got me in the mood for Download festival a few days later I suppose the only way the day could have been any better would be if i’d not been on crutches for it :/ ah well…it did have some benefits haha

A couple of days later it was off to Donnington for Download – it was great, i had so many good times and can’t wait to back there again next year…the only down point was Sunday afternoon with the torrential rain that meant we missed stone sour :/ The highlights were definitely Rage (again), deftones and tiger please – loved ‘em.

so yeah, i’ve just realised that i haven’t really updated on stuff to do with my operation and such….so here goes – i went to finsbury park on crutches but was luckily off them in time for download although i was still limping everywhere  - to be honest though i was lucky to have recovered so quickly. I returned back to work a week later which was great cause i was beginning to get seriously bored sitting at home all the time, and it was great to see certain people again Started physio last week so i can improve the bend in my leg and hopefully get it straight again….and its working so far – my limp is now pretty much gone and my knee is near enough straight and i love the sessions. next step is to start work on my balance and muscle strength…should be fun. oh and finally my scars are healing up well…a couple have even started to fade out.

so what else has happened in june…. ermm – oh results. Yep, got my results back for my 1st year and i’m quite proud of myself – i got 2:1 in most of my modules and a 1st in 2 others so happy about that and can’t wait to get started on my second year, its going to be so much fun and we finally get to apply some of this theory to real life situations.

Last weekend was the Pink concert at work, and i have to say i actually enjoyed working it…it was stressful, busy and i got a fair amount of abuse from guests but i loved doing it – it was different was the usual days at work and everyone just seemed to get on better and worked together really well. I can’t wait to work at more concerts and hopefully with having this experience i might apply to work at bigger events.

During the past week i’ve had some bad news that hasn’t been helped by other people…my auntie died on friday morning suddenly. We’d known for nearly a week that she was critically ill and unlikely to pull through, but it was just the way that she seemed so healthy previously to it. The funeral is on Monday and i’m in two minds whether to go – on one hand i should go to say goodbye but then i think about how upset i get and i don’t want to put myself through all that again. RIP Auntie Pauline.

So yeah, i’ve been pretty upset and down for the past few days and it certainly wasn’t helped by being ignored for the past week or yesterday with a pretty shitty text. I’m not going to go into it cause i’m still pretty upset about it all but i was so happy and excited for moving into the house in september – everything was gonna be great, yes we still all had problems but i assumed we could sort them out after we’d had some time apart over the summer. But now, so much has been messed up by one little fucking text. At the moment i just can’t be bothered anymore, i’d rather just go back and live in halls on my own but i know that is slightly influenced by the other things going on in my life this week. I’m just so upset by it all – there’s so much i want to say but it would be wrong to do it on here, but there’s obviously no chance of doing it face to face because it was obvious that she left it till now to tell me so that i couldn’t try to sort it out.

i can’t wait to see jordy again later just so i have someone i can talk to about it all, just someone i can explain why i am so upset about it all to.

grrrrrrr…it’s upsetting me now, just writing about it. RIGHT, happier things…plan ahead, forget about all this shit and fuckers.

plan for the summer:

5th July – Mum’s birthday + the funeral

19th July – Birthday night out in Hanley

20th July – My 20th and meal

30th July – Holiday in France

well i think that will do now – blog is now updated i am gonna attempt to keep it upto date from now on. x

]]> http://jenjenleigh.wordpress.com/2010/07/01/a-month-since-my-last-blog/feed/ 0 jenknee29241 DSCF5227 DSCF5365 DSCF5283 34373_400119556609_666766609_4849140_2053494_n http://jenjenleigh.wordpress.com/2010/06/01/pushed-for-time/ http://jenjenleigh.wordpress.com/2010/06/01/pushed-for-time/#comments Tue, 01 Jun 2010 10:25:54 +0000 jenknee29241 http://jenjenleigh.wordpress.com/?p=188 ]]> I had the clips/stitches/staples taken out my leg this morning and it didn’t hurt as much as i thought it would…there were a couple that snagged and ripped the skin but it was no more painful than anything else i’ve had done

next step on the recovery plan is to start walking further on it and attempting to bend it – i can see this being difficult judging from how tight my knee feels at the moment :/

7 days till download …disappointed that sum 41 are no longer playing but so glad killswitch engage are replacing wolfmother (Y)

i really cant wait…i’m determined to be all healed and back to normal for it, and yeah i would love to be ready in time for RAGE this weekend but i’m still unsure…i guess i’m not going to know for definite till friday :/

x

the last week in Derby was amazing…i had so much fun saying bye to everyone, going out pretty much every night, meeting some great new people, drinking way too much, silly dancing, having blue note to ourselves on a Thursday, being stalked by freaks and dribblers- and then being rescued, and generally just celebrating the end of 1st year

the best night was most definitely the last…organised by sam for my last night out before the operation it was just a generally awesome, drunken night at Mosh…thanks alot for that to Sam, Angie, Shiv, Lizzie, Emma, Nicky, Dean, Jack, Andy and everyone else that made an appearance - you guys are great

sooooooooo the op… it was better than i expected, ended up having 2 operations and i was awake for both which i have to say was weird….i had the lower half of my body paralysed through my spine but i was conscious throughout. The only bad thing i have to say about it all is the pain afterwards – fucking hell! once i’d regained the feeling in my legs it was agony

its been 6 days since the op and the things are getting better…i’m recovering and my leg is starting to heal. i’m going to have the clips removed on tuesday which i’m not looking forward to, but hopefully after that i can start walking properly again

i only have 12 days till download so i’m really hoping my recovery speeds up…i’m obviously not completely deluded and know that by then i’m not going to be back to my old self, but i need to at least be able to put up with standing all day

unfortunately i dont have as high hopes for making the rage gig :/ i would love to go but i cant risk hurting myself there and not being able to make download…and its not like i’d be losing out on any money if i miss the rage gig either – and they are playing download so i will still get to see them

i just need to have a positive attitude for the next few weeks x

night out with the girlies from the course tonight (last one before we all go home) – hopefully will cheer me up a bit if not i will have to get drunk and stay up all night talking shit with sam again

going back home on friday…i don’t know how long for – all depends on what shifts i’ve been put in for at work but i’m hoping to come back to derby again next week for a bit. i suppose the next month or so is mainly going to be divided between time at home and back here in derby :/

i’m still confused btw…struggling to know whats going on with so many things. i just want them sorted so i can start planning ahead again. and right now it just feels like certain people dont care either way…

time to get ready

x

so since then my time has been filled with stupid arguments, essays, art work and sleep.

the arguments have been what’s got me down the most…i just don’t understand things anymore – its like everything just suddenly changed over the past week or so. I’ve even been having serious arguments with people i don’t even really know. Some of them are actually making me reconsider what i previously thought was true – my beliefs in people, and my beliefs in myself.

i handed my Expression and the Arts essay in on Friday – it was pure shite, but it will do…i was stressing more about my pre-op assessment that afternoon, which went okay – it mainly just freaked me out even more. i’m going to be in tears that week.

art project was due today, and strangely i haven’t really stressed about it at all – which is a major contrast from previous art projects at college and stuff where i’d make myself ill with stress. Actually talking about this is making me stress a bit, so i’m gonna stop – i don’t wanna start regretting the work i’ve handed in that i was previously so fucking proud of.

finally, my sleep pattern lately has been terrible…i’m  constantly falling asleep and then not being able to sleep when i really need to it’s just adding to the stress atm…

…the biggest of which lately, is that my relationship is falling apart and i don’t know why.

all i want to do right now is talk…just sit down and talk to someone about everything…cause its wrecking my head.

but i cant.

the people i’m closest to are either busying themselves with uni work, more preoccupied with going out and getting wasted or are completely avoiding me. it’s just really not helping.

i give up for today…i dont want to do anything and i dont want to see anyone.

the depressive period is setting in again…

x

“I know, the past will catch you up as you run faster
I know, the last in line is always called a bastard
I know, the past will catch you up as you run faster”

- Placebo “i know”

If you don’t shoot it how am I supposed to hold it?
Is that all right, yeah?
I give my gun away when it’s loaded
Is that all right, yeah, with you?
Leave me out with the waste, this is not what I do
It’s the wrong kind of place to be cheating on you
It’s the wrong time she’s pulling me through
It’s a small crime and I got no excuse
And is that all right, yeah?
If I give my gun away when it’s loaded
Is that all right, yeah?
If you don’t shoot it, how am I supposed to hold it?
Is that all right, yeah?
I give my gun away when it’s loaded
Is that all right?
Is that all right with you?
Is that all right, yeah?
If I give my gun away when it’s loaded
Is that all right, yeah?
If you don’t shoot it, how am I supposed to hold it?
Is that all right, yeah?
I give my gun away when it’s loaded
Is that all right?
Is that all right with you?
And is that all right, yeah?
Is that all right?
Is that all right?
Is that all right with you?
No?

9 crimes – damien rice

i have to say this is one of my favourite songs, there is just so much emotion in it that its impossible for you not to feel something when listening to it….it always makes me think.

so i’ve noticed that my blogs are getting less and less frequent :/ thats not really a good thing…i need to have an outlet. Lately i have been using a good friend for this but its not fair anymore…i’ve started treating him like some sort of therapist and i can’t keep that  up. Right, as soon as this art project and essay are out the way i’m gonna start this blog again properly – in the way that i originally intented for it to by wrote.

updates since last post:

had my date for the op finally – 21st may…2 weeks before RAGE and download…and i’m supposed to have a 6 week healing period after the op so looks like i’m going them on crutches or in a serious amount of pain haha ….think i’ll choose to drink through the pain to be honest

i’m definitely feeling alot more confident about this uni work now handed the first essay in today, so just 2 more to go…as well as the art project but thats going pretty well, finished 3 major pieces so not got much more to do to it now

going back home again tonight…need to earn some money and sort out things for the operation too..should be fun.

may ball in a week… WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  :)

nice girly night out on monday …hopefully will make up for the party i’m missing this weekend

what else? hmmmm… i dunno, latelys just been filled with stress, fun times with people, laughter, beer garden afternoons and a few conversations of a serious nature…bit mixed really. not sure what’s going to happen over the summer though…

x

i hate this…fucking hospitals, crappy uni postal service, complete an utter fuck up.

i also have no idea how i’m going to get all this art work to uni tomorrow :/ ….may require several trips. Can’t wait till tuesday night when i can have a break again haha

night x

]]> http://jenjenleigh.wordpress.com/2010/04/18/arghhhh/feed/ 0 jenknee29241 http://jenjenleigh.wordpress.com/2010/04/09/easter-break/ http://jenjenleigh.wordpress.com/2010/04/09/easter-break/#comments Fri, 09 Apr 2010 15:47:39 +0000 jenknee29241 http://jenjenleigh.wordpress.com/?p=171 ]]> i’ve been home for nearly two weeks now and not alot has happened :/ …had complete lack of contact with mates from stoke with is fucking shit to be honest but mehh – if they can’t be arsed then neither can i I suppose working at towers has taken over most of the easter holiday…and yet again, same as all previous seasons, this year sucks. i think this one is going to be the worst though…i can feel it. this is going to be the last season i do at towers – i don’t think i can stand it anymore. I think the weekends event proved that to me…in case you didn’t know i dislocated my knee again – only this time i did it at work at the end of my shift…i don’t really wanna go into it but the way certain people have acted about it has made me realise that this years staff is just not the same…there’s too much of a divide between the workforce and its affecting us all. end of moan. time for some happy comments.

parents went away at the weekend (Y) – i failed to do anything fun/interesting with my empty house though due to trying to earn some money :/ ah well

i’ve only just started really cracking on with my mountain of work from uni, but i’m actually looking forward to some parts – just gotta get the essays out the way as well…

i am really looking forward to this summer…which for me will start in about 4 weeks NO MORE ESSAYS. RAGE FACTOR. DRUNKEN TIMES. DOWNLOAD. SUN. PLENTY OF TIMES WITH MATES. 20TH BIRTHDAY. BEER GARDENS. INCOME. JORDY. FRANCE. FAMILY.  3 YEARS. NEW HOUSE.

anyway it’s sunny outside and i fancy a drink x

“Live life in overdrive
Lost love in suicide
Godzilla
Find ways to sanitise
Clean mind no overtime
Godzilla
We are the paranoid
Suck life until you die
Godzilla
Godzilla”

don’t ask why but when i think of summer this is always the song that i hear in my head.

Being at home is boring me…and i’ve only been back one day

gahhhhh the next few weeks are gonna be fun(!)